Your face is a jimmy john
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
