My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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