Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
