Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
