So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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