sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
