i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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