I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
