You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
