drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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