Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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