Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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