Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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