I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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