HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
