she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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