so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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