i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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