Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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