I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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