I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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