You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
