Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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