Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
