I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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