Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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