I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
only you would photoshop your dick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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