Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize