Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk is not a location!
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