Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
