before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize