Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
