So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
