It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
