Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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