but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
