can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
