Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize