Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
