Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
