adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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