I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
