You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
