Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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