He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
