So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize