I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
