i don't plan on having that self control this summer
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
