One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
