I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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