how can u be prego again
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
