Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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