her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
