carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize