I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bring me that man meat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
