Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
