threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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