I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
