you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
