I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
His nipple licking is glorious
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