Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
