I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize