Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
