i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
