I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
