I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
