6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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