he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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