And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
