our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
