If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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