Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
