he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
