My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
