meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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