My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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