At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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