I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
